Introduction:
Empathy isn’t just a nice to have in today’s fast-paced work environment; it’s a crucial skill for fostering solid relationships and maintaining mental health. However, not all empathy is created equal. This post explores two types of empathy discussed in a recent HBR article. It delves into my personal experiences to illustrate the importance of distinguishing between them.

Understanding Empathy:
According to the HBR article, there are two main types of empathy:

Emotional empathy: This is when we physically feel the emotions of others, almost as if their feelings were our own. While it helps us connect deeply with others, it can also lead to burnout if we constantly absorb their stress and pain.

Empathic concern: This involves recognizing someone else’s emotional state and genuinely wanting to improve their well-being without necessarily feeling their emotions ourselves. This form of empathy enables us to offer support without draining our emotional reserves.

Personal Journey with Emotional Empathy:
I gravitated toward this article because of my experience as a middle manager working with customer service agents and directly with customers, both face-to-face and virtually.

During my wedding-planning days, I became emotionally invested in every wedding I planned. Over three years, I planned over 200 weddings and cried at every single one. Initially, I thought it was because I was in love with love (which I am), but I realized I was crying with the bride and groom because they were crying. This was emotional empathy in action.

Emotional Empathy in Healthcare:
The article discusses how emotional empathy impacts healthcare professionals. Nurses and doctors often experience high burnout rates, leading to faster aging, higher stress, and lower engagement. They share the feelings and emotions of their patients, who usually go through hard times. However, the authors discovered that negative emotions are draining, but positive emotions can be rejuvenating. Healthcare workers who celebrated and displayed emotional empathy during happy times, such as when a patient heals or when loved ones visit, were more resilient.

Think of yourself as a bucket: sharing emotional empathy empties your bucket during sad experiences but fills it during happy experiences.

Emotional Empathy in Management:
A recent study in Personnel Psychology surveyed 112 managers over ten consecutive workdays. The more people vented to their managers, the more negative emotions the managers felt the following day, which predicted they were likely to mistreat others on their teams. Managers hear frustration, anger, and sadness—emotions that empty their buckets. Conversely, sharing happiness and kindness fills their buckets, akin to what resilient healthcare workers experience.

Shifting to Empathic Concern:
For community managers, middle managers, and call center/service agents, acting on and displaying emotional empathy will not help you better care for yourself, your employees, or your customers. It will deplete you, causing disengagement, dissatisfaction, and stress.

Instead, we need to leverage, learn, and use empathic concern.

Building Emotional Boundaries:
When I was a bodywork practitioner (yoga, stretching), I worked with clients to improve their flexibility, sometimes requiring me to adjust their bodies manually. My teachers advised me to build a wall between my hands and the recipient’s body to prevent a two-directional flow of emotional energy. Initially, I struggled, often absorbing my clients’ emotions and likely sharing mine with them. I’d frequently leave sessions feeling elated or sad without knowing why. Over time, I learned to imagine a glass wall between my hands and their body, which allowed me to control my emotions and prevent sharing them with my clients. This wall served not only me but my clients as well.

The authors suggest a similar approach: when dealing with difficult situations, take a few deep breaths and reflect on how best to serve the person venting to you. You can either mirror their emotions—sad, frustrated, confused, angry—or show up with the intention of serving them best in the long term. This long-term thinking and focus create an emotional barrier and allow you to exhibit empathic concern and empathize without mirroring their emotions.

Practical Strategies for Empathic Concern:
1. Listen Actively: Pay attention to what the person is saying without immediately reacting emotionally.
2. Acknowledge Feelings: Validate their feelings by acknowledging them without necessarily sharing the same emotions.
3. Focus on Solutions: Shifting the focus from the problem to finding solutions helps maintain a constructive and supportive environment.

Developing Sustained Empathy:
Understanding the difference between empathic concern and emotional empathy helps us show up for our employees and customers in a way that reduces our stress, increases our engagement, and more effectively meets their needs.

Tips for Self-Compassion:
To sustain empathy, we must first serve ourselves.
Check in with Yourself: After talking to a struggling colleague, give yourself time to process if you feel upset or drained.
Shift from Distress to Concern: When listening to someone in a problematic situation, focus on caring and concern rather than mirroring their distress. Research shows this approach is better for you and more helpful for your colleague.
Learn empathy: Practice compassion through meditation and become aware of how you show empathy after an encounter. Focus on what you want for your colleague during the conversation.

Conclusion:
Developing a workplace that embraces empathic concern leads to greater workplace satisfaction, increased creative risks, and a higher likelihood of helping colleagues. By serving ourselves first and adopting practices that promote empathic concern, we can create a healthier, more supportive work environment for everyone.

Sources

Zaki, J. 2024. How to sustain your empathy in difficult times. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved May 14, 2024 from https://hbr.org/2024/01/how-to-sustain-your-empathy-in-difficult-times